The most painful moment of my entire life and consequently the most unforgettable was the last night I ever spent with her.

We just lay together, helpless to save our relationship. I laid awake holding her body intimately close to mine. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t physically let her go because she was forcing me to emotionally let her go. I could sense her unease at first that she was restraining her desire for me so I wouldn’t be tempted to make love to her. She lay awake for a bit, as if guarding herself against the idea of having me awake beside her with that temptation. She gave in and fell asleep soon. Not I. I lay there all night, clutching the most beautiful woman to my chest. I truly loved her with all my being. She felt like a part of me. The best part. I was helpless, I was hopeless. It was excruciating. I thought of death and drowning and falling for eternity. I swore to never feel that way again. Even the worst pain is worth one memory of pleasure and sometimes those memories are the same.

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